Chen Shiming froze. He raised his head and noticed that Chen Qizhao’s face was a bit pale.
Chen Qizhao stopped for a while before saying, “Pick it up.”
Chen Shiming picked up the last few pills. He made sure that there were no more on the ground. Then he tightened the cap and put it away. He had just stood up when he heard the person next to him asking a question.
“Chen Shiming, what would you have done if you hadn’t found the locator in the car at that time and was paralyzed in the car accident?”
Chen Shiming’s heart tightened. Chen Qizhao’s expression was as usual. There wasn’t much difference when talking to him, but his face was a bit white. Chen Shiming asked cautiously, “Why do you ask that?”
“No reason, just asking.” Chen Qizhao didn’t read the journals. He placed them on the desk before picking up his phone in a bored manner.
Chen Shiming didn’t leave. He stood beside the hospital bed with his usual stern face. Chen Qizhao seemed to have asked this question a long time ago. In their father’s study, Chen Qizhao jokingly talked about a strange dream and said that Chen Shiming was paralyzed in a car accident. Chen Shiming hadn’t believed it at the time and thought Chen Qizhao was joking. Now that he heard this sentence from Chen Qizhao’s mouth, Chen Shiming couldn’t help recalling the dream that Chen Qizhao mentioned.
“You’re blocking the light,” Chen Qizhao told him.
The position of the light was on the other side.
Chen Shiming said, “I’ll go and turn on a headlight for you.”
“……” Chen Qizhao frowned, wanting to ask if this person was a bit too idle.
Chen Shiming really walked over and turned on the headlight for him. Then he went to the sofa without blocking the light. The ward was quiet again. Chen Qizhao was playing Tetris without looking at Chen Shiming’s position. Still, he could tell that Chen Shiming was looking at his phone. “If you aren’t going to eat dinner, you can throw it away.”
“I’m eating.” Chen Shiming opened the insulation box next to him. “Do you need to get an IV at night?”
“No need,” Chen Qizhao replied. His head was lowered as he continued to complete the new level of Tetris.
One person was eating, and the other person was playing games.
There was no communication between the patient and the nurse. Chen Shiming was still thinking about the previous dream. He just wanted to tell Special Assistant Xu to retrieve some materials when his phone suddenly rang. He noticed the person on the bed moving, so he took his phone to answer the phone outside the ward. He stood by the door to keep watching the situation inside.
“Hello? Tell me.” Chen Shiming lowered his voice. “What is the situation in the capital?”
Chen Qizhao glanced around. He noticed that the food box had been put away and the person was standing outside the door. He hesitated when he got out of bed. Then he pulled out the slippers on the side, put them on, and walked to the bathroom.
The moment the bathroom door closed, there was complete silence around them.
All sounds were cut off. It was quiet, and he was left alone.
Chen Qizhao turned on the switch of the sink. Flowing water gushed out from the tap. The cold water passed over his fingertips, taking away the heat lingering on his fingers from before. The anxiety seemed to dissipate along with it. He got enough water and wet his face. Then he looked up to see himself in the mirror.
His forehead hair was wet. A bit of water fell down, and there was an unreal feeling.
Looking at himself in the mirror, Chen Qizhao seemed to see his previous self from this thin face. Was his previous self so thin? it didn’t seem to be. This chin wasn’t so sharp.
The water was still flowing. Chen Qizhao stared at himself in the mirror with eyes like stagnant water.
He suddenly couldn’t remember what he looked like before. It seemed to be like this, but it also seemed to be a bit worse. Familiar nausea welled up in his throat. Chen Qizhao frowned tightly, his hand tightly grasping the edge of the washstand. The blue veins of his hands were protruding as he pressed down the rising discomfort.
After suppressing the feeling, he noticed that his heart was beating a bit faster.
In the quiet bathroom, it seemed like only the sound of his beating heart was left. It was like after a long, long run. Tiredness welled up inside his body.
Chen Qizhao looked down at the hands pressed to the washstand. He habitually wanted to touch his pockets but found a thin hospital gown with no pockets. There were no cigarettes and lighter that he was used to.
Oh yes, he hadn’t touched a cigarette for almost a month.
Smoking wasn’t allowed in the hospital. A while ago, he hid in the bathroom to smoke, and Zhang Yazhi confiscated all his cigarettes and lighters with red eyes. Chen Qizhao rarely saw Zhang Yazhi cry, but now he saw her red eyes several times.
Lin Shizong was imprisoned, and the Gu family couldn’t run away. There was only a long trial and the final result.
The bomb that could explode above him at any time had disappeared. Everything should be resolved. Next, the Chen family would follow their original plan. Chen Jianhong would retire from old age, Chen Shiming would use his outstanding ability to inherit the group, Zhang Yazhi could pull her younger sisters to go to parties at will… After graduating, Shen Yuhuai would leave school and enter the Ninth Research Institute to continue his career.
The Chen family would get better and better, and Shen Yuhuai would become an excellent researcher. The whole world would continue to operate according to its own laws. It seemed that even without him, nothing would change.
The sound of running water flowed into the pipes along the drain. The sound going down the pipe seemed so clear. The not-so-spacious bathroom became cramped, and a disgusting stench spread from nowhere. Chen Qizhao opened his eyes. He calmed his violently beating heart in his chest while his mind uncontrollably thought of something else.
Horrible fantasies seemed to crawl out little by little. A sense of uncertain absurdity invaded his senses. He seemed to hear the continuous sound of an ambulance, the sound of a stretcher, the sound of a shovel moving the soil, the sound of pouring rain… blood flowed from the white washstand, a pale face closed his eyes, and there was an explosion that had never been heard before.
Boom!
There was thunder outside.
Chen Qizhao’s mind returned. He wanted to judge where the thunder came from through the high and narrow window in the bathroom when he looked up and saw the person in the mirror.
The mirror reflected the position on the left. The bathroom door had opened at some point. Shen Yuhuai stood there, holding the doorknob and staring straight at him.
The eyes of the two people met. Chen Qizhao’s eyes stopped on Shen Yuhuai’s eyes behind glasses, and he couldn’t see the emotion in the other person’s eyes clearly.
The silence continued. Chen Qizhao turned off the tap in a cold sweat, and the bathroom became even quieter.
Shen Yuhuai closed the bathroom door and looked at the boy whose hair was still dripping. Several drops of water had already dripped onto the neckline of his clothes, sliding down the neckline into his clothes.
The other person didn’t notice at all and kept looking at him.
Chen Qizhao asked, “What about him?”
Shen Yuhuai replied, “He’s on the phone.”
He finished speaking and added, “Aunt Zhang is still in the consultation room.”
The door was closed, and there was no other sound outside.
When Shen Yuhuai entered the room, he didn’t see Chen Qizhao. He only heard the sound of water from the bathroom. He waited at the door for a long time, but the sound of water from inside didn’t stop. There were no other unnecessary sounds. Finally, he waited a minute before opening the door and coming in. He came in and saw Chen Qizhao standing in front of the sink, not moving. He just stared down at the continuously running water.
The boy’s hands were propped on the edge of the washstand, and the butterfly bone under the hospital gown protruded slightly. After noticing Shen Yuhuai, he stared at Shen Yuhuai with those stagnant and silent eyes. Shen Yuhuai had seen this type of look before. At the Lin family’s charity party, Chen Qizhao had looked at him like this when hallucinating after drinking the drugged wine.
These eyes were too lonely.
Chen Qizhao didn’t move after asking.
Shen Yuhuai walked over. He had just taken a few steps when the still Chen Qizhao moved. He seemed to have locked onto his prey. After walking over, he kissed Shen Yuhuai fiercely.
He was the first to bump into Shen Yuhuai’s lower lip and bite down on it.
It was just that he wasn’t certain. He was anxious and eager.
It was a clumsy technique without any redundant movement. There was soft skin and sharp teeth. The two of them hadn’t kissed much. Each time was a gentle contact led by Shen Yuhuai, This time, it was foreplay without any emotion. Driven by recklessness and impulsiveness, Chen Qizhao wanted to pry open Shen Yuhuai’s teeth.
The ferocious and uncontrollable sweet yet bloody taste covered the vague bitterness and the mint fragrance of Shen Yuhuai’s body.
Chen Qizhao couldn’t say how he felt. He was in a daze without any purpose. He couldn’t judge reality or an illusion. When he pulled at Shen Yuhuai’s hand under the quilt, he felt the warmth of the other person, giving him a bit of reassurance.
He didn’t think too much. His chaotic brain just wanted to kiss a bit more, kiss a bit more…
Shen Yuhuai supported his waist and touched the back of his neck with the other hand. It was as if to soothe but also to pamper him. He let Chen Qizhao lean against his body. He noticed the other person’s increasingly soft body but also noticed the strength of the person leaning on him. He lifted up Chen Qizhao with a bit of force and let Chen Qizhao sit on the washstand.
There were two people in front of the narrow washstand. Chen Qizhao let go of Shen Yuhuai. His eyes were a bit red, and his chest heaved violently.
Shen Yuhuai stared at him for a while before asking, “Do you want more?”
Chen Qizhao didn’t reply and instead asked, “Shen Yuhuai, will you die?”
After a moment of silence, Shen Yuhuai leaned against the edge of the washing and kissed along Chen Qizhao’s chin. His kiss was no less intense than Chen Qizhao’s kiss. It was like gurgling water, little by little washing the haze that covered something. In fact, he actually liked Chen Qizhao’s eyes the most. He liked the eyes with cunning calculations, liked the naughtiness when he lied clumsily…
In any case, they shouldn’t be like this.
They shouldn’t be drowning in empty loneliness.
The silence in the bathroom seemed to be broken, but it also didn’t seem to be.
Shen Yuhuai let go of him.
Chen Qizhao gasped slightly, eyes half lowered.
Shen Yuhuai patiently held his face and kissed the end of his red eyes.
The hot and humid feeling fell on the corner of his eye. The warm touch seemed to pass through the other person’s hand to his skin. Chen Qizhao’s eyes were a bit hot, and his heart was filled with various emotions. The noisy sounds in his ears seemed to have disappeared, leaving only the fine sound of falling rain outside the window.
The small sound mixed with gasping. It was only when silence finally returned that Shen Yuhuai’s voice was heard.
“I won’t.”
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CQ is breaking my heart. Poor baby. So many scars on his heart.
I am happy that they are showing a realistic depiction of treatment for mental illness that includes DOCTORS, medications, and therapy. Also that it is a slow hard process.
Fr. In other rebirth stories the mc just mive on after the big baddies have been dealt with. I am happy that they are showing realistic aftermath. But poor baby😭
Hrnfhfkflskshdhs sobbing CQZ baby needs a big hug and be cocooned in multiple blankets with his favourite person SYH
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
The bomb that could explode above him at any time had disappeared. Everything should be resolved. Next, the Chen family would follow their original plan. Chen Jianhong would retire from old age, Chen Shiming would use his outstanding ability to inherit the group, Zhang Yazhi could pull her younger sisters to go to parties at will… After graduating, Shen Yuhuai would leave school and enter the Ninth Research Institute to continue his career.
The Chen family would get better and better, and Shen Yuhuai would become an excellent researcher. The whole world would continue to operate according to its own laws. ̶I̶t̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶m̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶,̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶c̶h̶a̶n̶g̶e̶.̶ And Chen Qizhao would continue to be the naggy baby of the family.
Any and all caffeine must be removed (out of sight), whether coffee or tea, or risk discovery and a scolding. Doctor visits are planned systematically and carefully attended to, or risk physical removal from a meeting. Or, more accurately, the baby is notified of the missed appointment, who then goes and stares at the culprit throughout the meeting as the baby patiently waits for it to finish.
Before Chen Qizhao’s honeymoon, all company tasks are arranged, including shoving all non-transferable work onto his older brother. If big brother ever gets married, something he looks forward to almost as much as his honeymoon is taking revenge on his baby brother. (Father Chen may be dragged into the scuffle, but before he can refuse, his wife happily turncoats.)
The scientific duo pair of husbands (- will not be mentioned bc I can only think of spoilery content for first time readers. ☆~ (๑ゝڡ◕๑))
Wait whatever you wrote is gonna happen?!?! WTF please I’d love for it to happen, but don’t let it be a SPOILER!!!
This book deserves a live action 😭😭😭 please someone make a drama on it!!
+1
This is probably only the second danmei out of the hundreds I’ve read that actually deals with the mindf***ery that would happen if someone went back to the past and changed their life’s trajectory after having experienced extreme trauma. And the other story was more about simply accepting the past, while this shows the psychological repercussions.
No, someone who has experienced trauma can’t just “fix” everything on the outside and then live a “happy” life. Events may have changed from one lifetime to the other, but the psychological damage still happened! Chen Qizhao saw everyone he cared about die a painful death and had to spend his days fighting with enemies he didn’t know. Then he went back to the past and had to solve everything without letting anyone know about his worries. So he can’t just pat himself on the back and live like a “normal person.